A RICH MAN.

ONE DAY, A RICH MAN RECEIVES A PHONE CALL. THE CALLER TELLS THIS RICH MAN THAT HE WAS THE RICHEST MAN IN TOWN AND THAT HE HAD NEVER DONATED TO ANY DEPARTMENT. THE RICH MAN REPLIES BY SAYING, "MY MOTHER IS OLD. SHE IS POOR AND SHE HAS A TERRIBLE SICKNESS." THE CALLER DIDN'T REPLY. THE RICH MAN CONTINUED, "MY BROTHER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT, LEAVING HIS FAMILY NOTHING. HIS CHILDREN AND WIFE STARVED TO DEATH." THE CALLER WAS NOW FEELING GUILTY OF THIS CONVERSATION. NOW THE RICH MAN WAS RAISING HIS VOICE, "MY SISTER IS NOW IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A HEAVY INJURY ON HER BACK, AND WHEN THE BILL COMES, I THINK SHE MIGHT GET A HEART ATTACK!". THE CALLER THEN REALISED HE SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED. LASTLY THE RICH MAN SAYS, "I DIDN'T GIVE THEM A SINGLE PENNY, SO WHY SHOULD I GIVE SOME TO YOU?!?!!"

HONESTY.

WHEN A RICH MAN WAS ABOUT TO DIE, HE LEFT A NOTE TO 3 OF HIS GOOD FRIENDS. HE WAS GOING TO GIVE ALL HIS MONEY TO THEM, BUT ON ONE CONDITION, THEY MUST RETURN IT ON THE DAY HE DIES. WHEN THAT DAY CAME, THE 3 TRUSTED MEN, A LAWYER, A PRIEST AND A DOCTOR THREW AN ENVOLOPE INTO THIS COFFIN. THAT NIGHT THEY WERE HAVING A DRINK IN THE LAWYER'S HOUSE. THE DOCTOR STARTS THE CONVERSATION, "YOU KNOW, I HAVE TO CONFESS, I TOOK HALF OF THE MONEY AND USED IT AS DONATION TO THE HOSPITAL." THE PRIEST THEN SAYS, "I HAVE TO CONFESS TOO... I TOOK ALL THE MONEY AND DONATED IT TOO THE CHURCH." THE LAWYER THEN SCOLDS THEM, "HOW CAN YOU TWO DO THIS! THAT MAN TRUSTED YOU! I WAS THE HONEST ONE. I WROTE A CHEQUE FOR HIM, FULL OF THE AMMOUNT."

BYE-BYE $50.

SAM : HEY WHAT'S WITH THE FACE?
SOM : I WAS MAD AT THE BOSS.
SAM : FOR?
SOM : I WAS ACCUSED FOR STEALING $50!
SAM : DID YOU ASK HIM TO PROVE IT?
SOM : THAT'S! WHAT MADE ME MAD!!!

NOSTRILS

Q : DO YOU KNOW WHY GORRILA'S HAVE BIG NOSTRILS?
A : BECAUSE THEY HAVE BIG FINGERS.

TRICKS.

ONE DAY, A WANTS TO PLAY A TRICK ON B. A TELLS B TO PUT HIS HAND ON HIS FACE AND SEE IF HE CAN PUNCH IT. SO WHEN A PUNCHED, B MOVED HIS HAND TO AVOID! -BOUFF- A, RAN LAUGHING ALL THE WAY. B, FEELING A BIT DAZED GOT UP, AND LOOKED AROUND. THEN C PASSED BY... HE THEN USED THE SAME TRICK. B SAYS, "HEY C, TRY PUNCH MY HAND!" B THEN PUTS HIS HAND ON HIS FACE AGAIN.

LANDLORDING.

A TENANT WAS COMPLAINING TO THE LANDLORD THAT THE ROOF WAS LEAKING. THE LANDLORD REPLIED, "HEY, THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM." THE TENANT FEELING ANGRY THEN ASKS, "SO, HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO LAST?" THE LANDLORD REPLIES, "HOW DO I KNOW? I AM NOT A WEATHER FORECASTER!"

AUTOGRAPH

ONE DAY, A MINISTER WALKS INTO A ROAD. THE STREET WAS FILLED WITH PEOPLE. THEN, A LITTLE BOY RUNS UP TO HIM. THE BOY ASKS FOR HIS AUTOGRAPH. THE MINISTER FEELING POPULAR THEN SIGNS. WHILE SIGNING, HE ASKS THE BOY," LITTLE BOY, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THIS AUTOGRAPH?" THE BOY REPLIES, " I HAVE TO GET 5 OF YOUR AUTOGRAPH'S JUST TO GET ONE OF MICHEAL JACKSON'S. WELL, IT'S A GOOD TRADE EH?"

RICH, POOR

Q : HOW DOES THE RICHMAN MAKE MONEY?
A : BY CLEVER INVESTMENTS IN SHARES!
Q : HOW DOES THE POOR MAN LOSE MONEY?
A : BY GAMBLING ON THE STOCK MARKET!

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